Week 4, 2025 - Anxiety

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Thoughts

I've had my career for about 15 years, spanning from junior idiot-but-will-try-hard to now, a more senior idiot-but-will-try-hard. I've had many ups and downs, plenty of luck and a consistent output of many hours to make good things happen for me and my team(s).

I think I'm reasonably well thought of at work, both within my team and around me more broadly with other leaders. And certainly in the industry & industries I tend to tap into over time. I've a great network.

I also really, really enjoy my job. I really enjoy $company too. It's all a bit rough around the edges, has great ambition and needs a lot of elbow grease to get to a place where it's smooth sailing. But I think my 15 years properly working has taught me that these are the environments I work well in. If it was too smooth I'd get bored.

And yet over the last few days, for no real reason other than very mild signals that I've read too much into, I have massive anxiety that I'm about to get obliterated in my annual review (which happens in Q1). In reality, my manager is likely up to their eyes with stress because there's a lot going on. But when I internalise their every move, the only result could possibly be me being lined up against a wall.

I'm lucky to have a very strong network in and out of work, and discussing this sensitive subject with them does help put my mind at ease. But that anxiety can only be resolved properly by one person. And they don't seem to want to have the discussion, which does not help.

All of which to say that anxiety and imposter syndrome never really goes away. In fact it only gets amplified over time. It's how you manage it that matters.

Photo of the week

(via flickr)

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Published on: 24th January, 2025

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