Photography
One of the passions that I've held onto through most of my adult life has been photography. Something about the technical understanding blended with the creative energy required to do it rings true to me. I have a similar relationship to music, where I love learning equipment to unlock something in my mind. I never write lyrics or sing, just create soundscapes and moods through music.
Photography is oddly similar. I equate taking photos of myself, or people generally, as writing lyrics. You're able to express more about a mood and a vibe with a facial expression then you ever could with a landscape. Here I am convincing myself that I'm using hard mode to do this stuff!
I first got into photography thanks to the internet phenomenon of flickr, which came into the world in 2004. Before that, we had various sites but the most common one that I explored was DeviantArt.
I consumed photography. I was too young to afford a good camera (forget about lenses!) and asking my parents for something that felt so frivolous would have been insane. So, I just consumed and was jealous of how good the photos were. And how they became a portal into other realities for me; places, foods, vibes, etc.
Eventually, somewhere around 2007 I had a retail job that allowed me to get a camera. A Canon 450D. I only had the kit lens. I had no idea how to use it for a significant amount of time (youth is wasted on the young) but once I wrapped my arms around it, eventually, I managed to get the pricier 50D. I wanted a 5D MK II, which was the top dog at the time, but felt it would have been a bit too much money and wasted on me.
My photos were shit. I didn't travel with my camera at all and was using flickr as a vehicle to show off my camera more than to take pictures of experiences, moods or just have some fun. I was trying to re-create things I saw elsewhere that were done properly. I was doing imitation work, and was too focused on that imitation. Today, by comparison, I couldn't care less what anyone thinks and don't expect anyone to look at, like or experience anything. It's all for me.
Around 2009 is when social media stuff in Ireland took off. Twitter had been around enough time that a community had built up enough credibility to do "tweetups". And invariably a photography sub-group emerged. That's when I got into groups doing photowalks. It took Twitter to get to prominence for this to happen because flickr's community software isn't friendly, a bit wonky and sometimes just doesn't work. That's still true today; photowalks are organised by other platforms, not the one dedicated to the craft. Blows my mind.
But anyway, going on photowalks bumped my confidence a bit. Because I was in a community of other people who were also confused, lost, trying to find their voice in photography. And also doing what I was doing -- not knowing what the settings were doing on the camera and over-compensating with software after the fact. But there were enough experienced heads in those groups that begrudgingly showed us the way.
Then I started actually bringing my camera out. Learning it, figuring things out as I went. And that, unfortunately coalesced with my career taking off and getting very busy. Very, very unbalanced too. It's only recently that I reconciled the fact that my busy-ness and work-life balance was unhealthy. At least I figured it out then, and not now (as a parent of 2 facing down the barrel of 40 years of age). I dropped photography for a while. A long while. I had nothing to say, no time to learn and that was while I was also traveling a good bit.
I still consumed photography, was jealous of other photographers and frankly jealous of their equipment! If you look at my flickr or social profiles that have photography in them, you'll find a huge gap from around 2012 for a few years. A grim reality.
But then things changed. I had more money to spend on a hobby I've held onto for a long time. I also was able to give myself the time, and energy, to actually learn the craft. I now find myself doing small photowalks in cities randomly (I seek them out) and I wind up being the elder statesman who can give advice to the kids trying to imitate other social media profiles.
I also travel. A lot. It's a privilege. And when I do, I make an effort to go for a long walk somewhere new or interesting to take photos, relax, unwind and just be in the moment. It's a great time to think. No headphones needed. No ASMR stuff. Just me, my camera (that I know how to use) and time.
I also rely less, if at all, on software to edit. I've not edited a single photo this year. Everything has just come off the camera directly. I know how to use my camera. And for that, I thank the Fuji engineers who made something infinitely usable!
I don't really know how to conclude this. Photography is something I've stuck with for many years. Most of the content I've produced is hot trash, but it reminds me of a phase I was in. Today, I'm far more competent, have the equipment to express what I want to express and capture what I want to capture (and how I want to capture it). And I'm infinitely lucky to have a support network that allows me to do that while on the road in new, interesting places.
