Health

I have always been told that I’m “growing into my age.” Which has largely been true. In my twenties I was far too sensible, so acted like someone ten years older. And that was largely true through my thirties. Now that I’m in my forties, I’ve settled in. However, my body is settling into something else.

In the last few months I’ve bumped into walls.

I’ve always run at everything at full speed. Not in a silly, naive manner. Moreso in a cautious, but get-the-job-done way. I think too hard about thing. So, for example, buying a 911 this year was an insane move for me because I would never have rewarded myself like that before. But I am conscious of a “do or die” moment in time.

Running at things at full speed has benefitted me a lot. I did not do this when I was in school or college, and sort of sailed through acedemia without pushing myself and wound up not doing as well as I could or should have. I have always had a perennial “could do better” badge of honour in that regard. But now, I’m held to a higher standard than I should because I tend to run so hard, for so long, that I out-perform but make it look like I’m sailing along. Which isn’t fair, but I’ve come to accept that as part of the operating rhythm I have.

However, the walls I’ve run into are walls I’ve never been in control of before, and certainly won’t in future. I don’t mind aging and I have a good relationship to the future. Largely because I’ve kids and that becomes a bit of a forcing function.

The walls are twofold. One is running into odd heart problems as a result of drinking. Which, when you read that, you’d assume that this is a drink problem. Not at all, I don’t drink much at all. Especially these days where I’m almost exclusively working or doing kids-adjacent stuff. And in-between I’m the car mule. My last night out I went to bed at 11pm and that was wild for me. But even in small batches, alcohol play game with my heart. So I need to be careful, slow it down and avoid where possible. But it points to a grander general health thing to avoid heart attacks or heart issues more broadly, because it looks like I’m suseptical to it.

On the drinking front, easily solved. With young kids, a busy life and stress everywhere, that’s not as a easily solved.

The second issue is a recent, out-of-nowhere concussion. A mild one, but it lasted a week longer than it should. Which happens, especially if you’re doing physical things. I was not doing physical things. So I’ve no way to trace back where it came from. And the rest+water thing didn’t work for my schedule. So instead of that, I let it linger for days longer than it should. And the warning was pretty stark; keep doing that and wind up with a fall off the bike or something stress related and I could wind up having a stroke.

And so the net result is me trying to find balance with my wife, who also works. I need to calm down because, frankly, I’m going to die. That’s something I assume many folks wrestle with. And it should be pointed out I’m otherwise in good health. Relatively fit, eat well and exercise enough to keep my systems in check. But running at the world like I’m in my twenties, as deliberate as I am to make it look like I’m sailing along, will very literally kill me.